Hello... Is this thing on?

So... Here goes.
I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this -  whether it's to fuel my own narcisism, or for some misguided ideal that I might help someone starting the same journey as me, or even, heaven forbid, to entertain. All I know is that I am beginning a journey which has the potential to change my life in unimaginable ways.

"What is this journey?" I hear the masses cry out. Well let me tell you, dear reader, let me share with you my world. I am embarking on the road to truly discover what God's purpose is for my life, and what that means both in practical and spiritual terms. It's exciting, it's scary, and, (so far) it's confusing. Right now I'm likening it to a pastime I enjoy, affectionately referred to as "random road tripping". It basically consists of driving round the North of England, following roads that take our fancy, never with a set destination in mind. We often get lost and make U turns, we sometimes find the most amazing gems that nature and civilisation have to offer, and occasionally we find nothing of note but have had fun along the way and head home for tea.

Now you know that bit, let me take you back some time, to give you some background.
Some years ago I started to feel some rumblings somewhere in my soul that I may have a purpose in life other than the banal mundanity (this is now a real word if it wasn't before) of supply teaching and general trudgery of life. I won't say I had a vision, or a message from God, because that's always sounded a bit crazy to me, being from a non Church family and a Church background that doesn't talk about such things, but I had a strange daydream, or thought, or something(not entirely unusual in a brain as chaotic as my own). I was showering, pondering life as one does, when out of the blue I see myself standing at the back of the church in which I then worshipped. The church was empty of people, aside from someone stood behind me. The man, whose face I never saw and whose name I never asked, said simply the words "help them" to me. As he said this, I wasn't afraid or confused; I was calm and felt as though this man spoke an obvious, indisputable fact, as if he'd just commented on the weather. I took this newfound and slightly vague thought to my husband who gave me the appropriate response of a shrug and a noise of some incomprehension.

I tried to put this strange thing out of my mind as just another mental tangent and continue as normal, but something about it stuck in my brain, like when you get a seed stuck in a tooth -  you can try to ignore it, or have a vague attempt at removing it, but it's still there and feels so much bigger than it ought to, periodically reminding you of its presence.

So fast forward a few years, 3 house moves, a masters degree, jobs, unemployment, births, deaths, and marriages (none of the last three mine, might I add!) but through it all remained this sense of unease that I could, and should be doing more for God - that I had unused talents, that I was hiding my light without meaning to. I'd led youth groups, I'd done confirmation classes, but somehow that wasn't enough. Enter: my new job.

Scene 2: Daytime, Int, a small bungalow in Lancashire. a young (ish) woman paces the floor much to the frustration of her husband who has seen this scene played out a thousand times before and picked up the pieces - often with a glass of wine. The post job interview lull. The phone rings... and finally, it's good news! (Unless you have experienced the degrading inhumanity of involuntary unemployment you'll struggle to understand the sheer joy, relief and excitement that comes from that one, 3 minute phone call - it's everything.)

So we get to the present day: I work now as a Family and Young People's worker for a CofE church in Lancashire. It's no different to 100 others in many ways but it's utterly unique in one vital aspect: they gave (and continue to give) me a priceless opportunity. Thus far I have welcomed school groups into Church, gone into schools myself and with a group; I have led groups of varying ages and planned for those to come; I have preached at services and I have helped to lead them, I have been a shoulder to cry on and shared in exciting news and there's so much more to come.

I am finally in a place that feels like it's God breathed. I feel like God put me here to do something, and, my word, I intend to do it! This said, it also feels that, more than ever, God is calling me to be more, and so much more. But what? What is it? How will I know? When? How? Why? With whom? Where? I've never felt so alive as when I'm leading people to worship, as I'm so much there with them, or just being with them as they pour out their soul to me, as I offer them nothing more or less than the woman God made me. So please, pull up a chair and join me in what promises to be a long and interesting journey with an, as yet, indefinite end as I attempt to discern where God wants me, and whether I'm up to the challenge.